Karma....it all comes down to karma

Remember when I told y'all about the relationship that was wayyy wrong? Yeah, well, its OVER! Turns out Mr. Miami is nothing but a huge player. He's the type that has one girl and then picks up some more girls to see whats better. That relationship was so stressful to me and all I did was cry. No woman deserves that. In my last relationship with "A", I pretty much screwed myself over. Now, karma has reared her ugly head and paid me back tenfold. I had surgery and now I've been majorly played. So, dont you think my karma should be restored now? I certainly do.

XOXO
Shanna

Sometimes moving on is the only option.

Relationships ending are always hard. My relationship with "C", is on its last leg. I've been in a few relationships in my 27 years, but this one is the most stressful one I've ever been in! I'm not happy and I know he's not happy. Why do I keep letting this go on? I think its because I'm afraid of hurting him. I hate confronting people. I despise conflict. Right now I just feel "trapped" and being in a relationship one should never feel trapped.
Any advice is more than welcome. Please and thank you.

XOXO
Shanna

My dirty little secret....

Ok y'all, I have a secret..................a dirty, dirty little secret.

I'm addicted to...

http://www.amazon.com/Fifty-Shades-Grey-Book-Trilogy/dp/0345803485/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1339036887&sr=1-1

Trashy romance novels. Seriously y'all it's bad. Haha. Here's a little tidbit for ya. Did y'all know that Fifty shades was originally a fan fiction based off Twilight? Yeah, I totally read it.

Here's a few of my fav reads. (of the sexy variety)

http://www.amazon.com/Lucky-Streak-Trilogy-Carly-Phillips/dp/0373773757/ref=la_B001I9W0MS_1_9?ie=UTF8&qid=1339034895&sr=1-9

http://www.amazon.com/Sweet-Addiction-ebook/dp/B005GSZZ2Y/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1339036944&sr=8-1


Those are just a few of the ones I'm reading. Ill post more later.

XOXO
Shanna

Infertile? Maybe.

So. Since my surgery I've been having a hard time accepting the fact that I may never have a baby. The surgeon removed one of ovaries and part of the other one. He said my chances were 50/50. I'm over a month out and still haven't had my period, or any signs that its on the way. I have, however, been very very hormonal. My moods are off the charts. My boyfriend who I will address on here as "C", is pretty sure I'm bi-polar. Its a good possibility.

The doctors can't tell me if, or when my period will show up. That doesn't make me happy. I've never been one of those women who go gaga over babies. I'm too career focused, but to have that option taken away? I feel cheated by own body. I never minded my period before, I mean I was always happy when it showed up and always a little scared when it was a couple days late. Now? I really really really want it to show up.

Every time I see a pregnant woman or one of my friends tell me they're expecting I feel a little twinge of jealousy. I'll make the best of  it, whatever happens in the future. I'm just feeling a little blue right now.


 XOXO
Shanna

Life has a way of surprising me.

I know I said I would be back after the New Year, but life threw me a HUGE curve ball. Let's start with NYE. My boyfriend, at the time, we'll call him "A" for the time being. He just got back from deployment on the 30th of December, so naturally we spent New Years Eve together. Keep in mind we were apart for about 6 mons, that's 6 long months without sex (TMI? sorry). I'm pretty sure that everyone can guess what we were doing on that dreadful last night in December. We woke up on Jan 1 hangover free!! Things were fine with us. He left around 3-4. About 9 that night he called me and told me that things weren't working out and he wanted to break up. Actually, one of my family members told him something and that was the catalyst for our breakup. That's a whole other post in itself. We were together for about 2 years, so yeah it sucked. On January 3 I started getting really bad cramps on the right side of my back. I chalked it up to PMS. I laid on the heating pad the whole night hoping it would be gone by morning. Lady luck skipped me. The next night it got reallllllly bad, as in the worst pain I've ever been in, a 20 on a scale of 1-10. I ended up going to the ER. All I wanted was some pain meds, but nooo they refused me. At that point the pain was so bad that I'm pretty sure I had an out of body experience. My Mama was with me, thank GOD! I couldn't keep any food down. I remember laying by the sink letting the water drip over my fingers. I honestly don't remember much. The nurse came in and took me to get an MRI. I had to wait almost an hour for the results. The doctor came in and told me I had a "large mass" on my ovary and needed to be seen at my OB\GYN's office ASAP. He gave me some hydrocodone and sent me off. The pain was still unbearable when I got home. I'm pretty sure I just passed out because of it. The next day everything was a little better, the pain had let up! YAY! It took about a week for the pain to go completely away. 


I hate doctors and I really didn't wanna see my GYN. So I choose to ignore it. Yeah, I'm that dumb. About 2 weeks the pain returned. Not as bad, but I still just had to lay. For 7 days straight. I caved in and made an appointment with my GYN. In March. Please don't stone me for that decision. I got examined and after she proceeds to tell me that I have to VERY LARGE CYST. I had one on my right ovary the size of a grapefruit. The other one was, well, prepare yourselves. THE SIZE OF A BASKETBALL!!!! Now I'm a fairly small girl, so why didn't I notice a basketball sticking out of my abdomen? Yeah, I wondered the same thing. She kinda freaked out on me by saying it could be cancer and all that scary medical talk. I was in complete shock! I had a major breakdown right there in the examination room. She sent me for an ultrasound, which showed they were both fluid filled. The big cyst was all the way up in my ribs. It was a mess. I had appointment after appointment. I'm pretty sure I had at least 24-30 people looking between my legs and examining me. I felt violated. Turned out I had to have surgery to remove the whole left ovary and fallopian tube plus half my right ovary. I hate needles y'all, like really have a horrendous fear of em. I got over that fast :) 


I had my surgery on May 1. Scariest day of my life (so far). I was convinced I was gonna die. In my head everything was much more complicated than it turned out to be. Everything went fine. I got to come home on May 3. The only complication was that they had to send me home with a catheter :( The big cyst was 13 lbs!!!!! I guess after the surgery my bladder didn't wanna work yet. I'm only 27, I thought for sure that I would never be able to pee on my own again. I was convinced that I was "ruined". He made me leave it in for an extra 4 days then I had to make another appointment with my GYN to have her remove it. I was so afraid that my bladder still wouldn't work. Pretty sure I drank at least 4 bottles of water so I could "feel the urge to pee". I even waited in the office to see if I could go. When I went to the bathroom and I actually peed, I started squealing like a school girl that got kissed for the first time! Happy day! You never realize how much of the little things you take for granted until you think you may never have them again. 


I have my 6 week post op appt. next Thursday. I'm so excited. I'm ready to workout again, hard. I have 3 marathons I'm running this year. I have surgery pics that Ill be posting sometime this week. I have a lot to say about things, so I'm gonna start using my blog frequently.


XOXO
Shanna